Back in the world.
Loving too much.
Questioning if there’s such a thang
Contemplating my own transparency
Missing precious Althea since she left the planet
Feeling her presence and honored by it
Knowing it’s futile
Juggling to-do lists
Thinking everyone is nuts
Knowing I am too.
Connecting to surprises present each day.
Merging words to make Surpresence
…Or maybe SurPresents
Wanting everything like I want it
Knowing that’s sorta silly
Flopping around like a fish
Knowing I should breath instead
Paying my “artist toll”
Avoiding “universal ass whoopins”* cause they hurt bad and come with long recovery times
Thinking there’s a lot of P’s and Q’s to stay abreast of
Proud of my follow through
Thankful for insightful friends
Debating myself about suppressing my own transparency
Knowing I can only do it for so long
Honoring my agreements
Acknowledging deals I made with The Most High
Laughing (sorta) on how he’s upheld his end,
though I got no say in how that would play
(But I knew that).
Wanting to feel my full self
Knowing that can be overwhelming
Thinking I should let others negotiate the overwhelming part
Cursing those that can’t receive
But not wanting to
Trying to stop over thinking
Scoffing at how it’s second nature
Feeling a little bit like a badass.
Wanting to be loved on like a baby
Listening for a lecture from my heart
Wanting to travel as in beam me up scotty (but not for good just sayin)
Communing with The Black Cosmic Love Bubble
Knowing you’re wondering what that is
Promising a story for another day
Wanting to go back in the nunnery**
Not wanting to go back in the nunnery
Asking if I can reinvent the nunnery
Glad people are finally getting mad
Glad I’m mad again!
Wondering when I’ll write my Femmoirs
Daring someone to take my word
Happy to be writing
Thinking my story hasn’t changed much since 15
Bout to pray
(But I’m sorta prayin’ now)
Living by less thought more action
Wondering if anyone thinks this subject is as funny as I do.
Tryna let myself feel all the things
Wanting to put my sword down
Still yearning to get “Michaune” with it***
Wanting to by syrupy
Wanting to be sweet
Tryna blend it well with my cayenne sting
Aries hot head
Working to stop apologizing
And make everyone else start recognizing
Damn that’s work
Embracing being the teacher
Trying to be an obedient student
Rolling my eyes
Trying to stop writing
Need to go exercise
Getting interrogated by my little self
Marveling at how the roles reversed
Thinking that this train won’t stop
Maybe there had been a plug in my thoughts!
Thinking “Today” should also be tomorrow
Practicing present moment living
Practicing present moment giving
~Is this what it means to be alive? …Thinkin thoughts in Studio5~
*Universal Ass Whoopins: when you don’t do what you know God told you to do and then he does it for you in a way that usually involves whoopin your ass from the cosmos which is far worse than any physical beat down that could have been avoided had you just listened the first time.
**Nunnery: My imaginary convent that provides abundant self fulfilling love and focus. Dedication and commitment. Faith, belief and trust while refraining from physical activities with the opposite sex that also involves switching back over to my green and blue wardrobe. A living meditative state adopted after The Black Cosmic Love Bubble Experience.
***Michaune: the badass sword wielding sista on The Walking Dead who was initially a curator or something like that before the apocalypse but now she’s just mysterious sword wielding bad ass who works a sword like no other and has managed to be one of the few characters of color not to get “kilt”!.
***The Black Cosmic Love Bubble: A very long but most fascinating life changing experience story for another time.